I was once a mathematically phobic student. I really ignore anything that involves math. From daily work up to sports,assignments to quizzes. Math really told me that I am not part of the elite group inside the classroom. I excel in other subjects except math. There were times that I have to got an early headache, stomachache, etc, all illnesses suddenly arrives when there is an announcement for a math quiz. I suffer this academic feeling since I was in my elementary days and up to high school.
In my college days, although math was still my phobia in academe, I enrolled mathematically inclined course. This is to face my fear in the said subject. First semester was a brutal experience. I failed in my three math subjects. Second semester was a little good to me, I passed them all because it was a retake. In my second year same thing happened, all in all I have five failures in my college history.
And why I became a mathematics teacher now?
I do not know why in my Algebra class, the equation x + y = 2 by the teacher's discussion is not the same with the Algebra book which is x + y = 5. I checked with the other author and the equation became x + y = -7. This is so crazy. Why the answer in every x + y became different? How would I know that my answer is correct knowing that every x + y has different answers? And I keep on wondering why my classmates got correct answer except me. why those classmates of mine has the same guess to the answer?
I keep on researching in silent knowing that I don't want those people knew that I don't know how to treat those simple equations. I read a lot, guess if my answer will be correct.I still don't understand. I suffered anxiety, I was a attacked by extreme inferiority feeling by the fact that I was the only one in the class knew nothing but myself drowned into the sea of dreadful feeling. Every night was my most comforted moment. Nobody would ask me how to solve this and that by students of other courses who believe that I am a mathematically brilliant by my course. I simply stay in my comfort zone just pretend I am okay but actually was not.
Days passed, my readings and personal research develops very little. I almost gave up, and sometimes thinking that better to shift another course without math. I keep on searching what particular course without math but all courses has mathematics as part of the curriculum. I decided to stop the course to end the shame but whether I like it or not, this is the requirement to be in a professional circle. I never gave up in searching the answer to my big problem but simple to others. I don't know one day what happen to my daily routine just to heal my dilemma but it happened, really happen to me. I was able to distinguish the difference between "expression" and "equation" accidentally. I noticed then that every expression has different equality which is also a expression. I thought before that x + y = 2, x + y = 5, and x + y = -7 is just a simple addition with "guess what is x and y values" to have an answer of 2, 5, and -7 respectively. It was then an opener to my idea that mathematics is not a "subject" but a "working subject". It told me that I cannot understand this subject by reading alone. It should be with extra papers, a pen and effort to solve every math problem. There is a building of ideas and information happens inside the human brain while solving each problem. More students did not discover about this. It is really a daily exposure to a "thing" to know that "thing" well. Imagine you are in a new place where it is your first time. You can not have an access to any streets and avenues because you don't knew it. Your radius towards your knowledge to the place is very short. Check yourself after one year to the said place. You notice that you can simply explain all details within it. Daily living with that place communicates well for your development up to mastery. It is also the same as your first walk. At first, you fall because you find your balance hard to master. It is by constant need by your daily requirement for living to master the balance. Then by having the balance, you can walk perfectly, and run lately.
Mathematics is not a subject but a working subject. Do not study your math, live in it, dwell with it.
In my college days, although math was still my phobia in academe, I enrolled mathematically inclined course. This is to face my fear in the said subject. First semester was a brutal experience. I failed in my three math subjects. Second semester was a little good to me, I passed them all because it was a retake. In my second year same thing happened, all in all I have five failures in my college history.
And why I became a mathematics teacher now?
I do not know why in my Algebra class, the equation x + y = 2 by the teacher's discussion is not the same with the Algebra book which is x + y = 5. I checked with the other author and the equation became x + y = -7. This is so crazy. Why the answer in every x + y became different? How would I know that my answer is correct knowing that every x + y has different answers? And I keep on wondering why my classmates got correct answer except me. why those classmates of mine has the same guess to the answer?
I keep on researching in silent knowing that I don't want those people knew that I don't know how to treat those simple equations. I read a lot, guess if my answer will be correct.I still don't understand. I suffered anxiety, I was a attacked by extreme inferiority feeling by the fact that I was the only one in the class knew nothing but myself drowned into the sea of dreadful feeling. Every night was my most comforted moment. Nobody would ask me how to solve this and that by students of other courses who believe that I am a mathematically brilliant by my course. I simply stay in my comfort zone just pretend I am okay but actually was not.
Days passed, my readings and personal research develops very little. I almost gave up, and sometimes thinking that better to shift another course without math. I keep on searching what particular course without math but all courses has mathematics as part of the curriculum. I decided to stop the course to end the shame but whether I like it or not, this is the requirement to be in a professional circle. I never gave up in searching the answer to my big problem but simple to others. I don't know one day what happen to my daily routine just to heal my dilemma but it happened, really happen to me. I was able to distinguish the difference between "expression" and "equation" accidentally. I noticed then that every expression has different equality which is also a expression. I thought before that x + y = 2, x + y = 5, and x + y = -7 is just a simple addition with "guess what is x and y values" to have an answer of 2, 5, and -7 respectively. It was then an opener to my idea that mathematics is not a "subject" but a "working subject". It told me that I cannot understand this subject by reading alone. It should be with extra papers, a pen and effort to solve every math problem. There is a building of ideas and information happens inside the human brain while solving each problem. More students did not discover about this. It is really a daily exposure to a "thing" to know that "thing" well. Imagine you are in a new place where it is your first time. You can not have an access to any streets and avenues because you don't knew it. Your radius towards your knowledge to the place is very short. Check yourself after one year to the said place. You notice that you can simply explain all details within it. Daily living with that place communicates well for your development up to mastery. It is also the same as your first walk. At first, you fall because you find your balance hard to master. It is by constant need by your daily requirement for living to master the balance. Then by having the balance, you can walk perfectly, and run lately.
Mathematics is not a subject but a working subject. Do not study your math, live in it, dwell with it.
